Disengagement is to withdraw or disconnect. So often we are told how valuable community is, meaning connection with others has value. The connection with community is valuable. We need community to survive, grow, and advance. Community fills a need for family, friendship, and in the completion of various services.
If community is so important and necessary, why is there power in disengagement? Living life grasping the need to be a part of a community at all costs to self is personally harmful. Living life at the expense of personal care is depressing. Trying to live in ways that please others is filled with mind games, trying to fit in, while never being able to honestly fit in because you are not being authentically you.
Instead, recognize the importance of honoring personal truth and self-reflection. And acknowledge how community is important to you as well as, defining what you have to contribute and how you want to contribute to the community in which you live. For some people, their current community does not fit with their personal code. When this happens, it may be necessary to find a new community.
If you live with the belief that communicating with honesty and openness will not get you what you want, your community is not supporting your authenticity. If you live without personal authenticity, it means you are rapidly learning mind games just to fit in. You may also be learning how to fit in through power trips or dismissive games that serve your or another’s ego over equality.
Most of us have been told how important it is to be open and honest, and in truth, when others are not, or only partially so, we suffer. We begin to believe we need to defend and explain ourselves to justify what we’ve said or done. Sadly, this often leads to confusion and conflict and a need for more self-protection. Or regrettably, trying to be the best for everyone else. So why be honest?
Instead of asking why be honest, ask how can you be in integrity while still taking care of yourself?
Begin by asking how well you know yourself. What feels authentic? What is real? How much and what do I want to share with other people? What are the sources, types, and personal investments of the difficulties?
The what and how much you share of your authentic self varies with who that person is to you and how much you know you can trust them to honor the true you. How can you honestly and best handle each situation?
Sometimes it seems nearly impossible to handle every situation with perfection. If you can’t, don’t worry or fret. Be true to yourself and just know the rest will be as it is. Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves for not being perfect or having any idea how to always be perfect. Sometimes, AS WE ARE IS GOOD ENOUGH. Sometimes good enough is perfection. The hardest part is remembering we are also trying to communicate with others who are just as imperfect and self-protective as we have been.
Allow others their drama, while not adding fuel to their drama or stepping into the deep quicksand of their drama. This means seeing the dramas you’ve created for yourself and learning to not expect or want others to become mired in your drama, as you do not want to sink into theirs. The more you react to drama, the more entrenched you become. As you release the drama, the more you feel free and find ways to respond to situations in new, clear, and more honest ways.
Disengaging, becoming still, and reflecting are the ways to understand what is at the base of all the drama as well as your reaction. Frequently, it’s our own unsettled emotions that are at our base and the reason we react and act as we do.
This realization enables us to untangle and disengage from our past patterns and opens us to find new ways to react. However, be kind to yourself. Sometimes it’s a trial and error of various ways to react before finding the way that is best for a given situation. This also means, that depending on who and what the differing situations are, we may need or choose to respond differently. For example, how I react in an interpersonal relationship may differ greatly from a casual or work situation.
As you grow, finding more authentic ways to behave and represent yourself, consider these as challenging opportunities to discover more about yourself that you had not before been able to see, understand, or handle. It’s your time to be more of who you truly and authentically are. We also grow more resilient to resist becoming involved in another’s drama or the need to continually have our own dramas we want others to fuel. We are able to live life authentically.
These situations create unhealthy cords with others. These cords claim and sap our energy and ability to see or live differently. They keep us from who we truly are. As we cut the unhealthy cords, we sever unhealthy energy ties, help heal past hurts, and release unhealthy relationships, or at least know how to not keep an unhealthy engagement in an unhealthy way. Also, relationships change, there is no need to stay trapped in the past, continue with limiting beliefs that don’t serve you, or drain energy that you want to use in other ways.
Living authentically is empowering and energizing. Disengage in the unhealthy so you can find your authentic self. You will be happier and, at your core, healthier.